You’re simply too close to the pain; no matter how much you may convince yourself that you’re behaving perfectly rationally and maturely, you’re are too; it’s damn near impossible to move on when somebody keeps insisting on dredging up the past and inflicting it on the present.Just as important as distance is to the healing process, it’s also a critical part of salvaging a friendship – or at least a non-awkward relationship – out of the ruins of your breakup.
God knows I’ve had plenty of times where I tried to pretend that I was above it all and had immediately settled into my new role in my ex’s life and was ready to be just friends. Because there was never a point where I was taking time away to let myself grieve, to get mad, to scream and yell and – critically – give myself the time and space to get over it.
Someone who has nothing but “crazy psycho bitches” in his past is telling his future partners that either his picker is profoundly broken or he’s very bad at relationships.
Someone who keeps getting his heart broken by remorseless harpies over and over again is likewise someone who is bitter and needs to spend some time examining his attachment patterns and why he keeps making the same mistake over and over again.
In fact, most of the time, you’ve both been laying the groundwork for the breakup for a long time, sometimes even right from the beginning.
Being able to have any sort of successful relationship with your ex means that you need to have processed your breakup and taken ownership of your part in it…