But when he was using — alcohol, cocaine, and meth — he “had more promiscuous sex,” including cheating on partners: “When I was feeling bad about myself, I’d have sex with some guy and he’d leave, and I’d feel used, and that would make me feel loved. He was insecure too.” That relationship imploded and they both relapsed. He says he and his fiancé talk openly, and he doesn’t keep secrets.
It goes back to my childhood.” “It was really, really weird to have sex sober,” Ryan says, of a relationship he had with someone he met in rehab. “I didn’t understand that someone could love me regardless of whether we had sex or not,” he says.
After years of trying to moderate but routinely blacking out, “basically hooked up to an IV of bourbon,” she’d finally decided to quit during “a profoundly lonely and very stressful time” living in a new city after a breakup.
Newly sober, she moved back to the East Coast and felt her life coming together.
Last year, when she needed to “take a break” from alcohol because of medication she was prescribed, her assumption that she’d also need to stop dating set off an alarm bell.I had to question what I had been telling myself.” She didn’t tell the guy.Her self-consciousness would come and go, and they stopped seeing each other. In high school, he wasn’t a part of the crowd that smoked cigarettes across the street.“I consciously decided, ‘I’ll just drink on dates,’” she says, laughing.She didn’t want to present herself as a nondrinker on her dating profile.